Can't Afford A Suit

by Jon Is Gone

Can't Afford A Suit cover art
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1.
00:44
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2.
04:26
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3.
02:43
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4.
04:10
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5.
03:12
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6.
03:36
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7.
04:39
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8.
02:57
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9.
03:34
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10.
03:57
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11.
02:45
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12.
03:48
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13.
03:15
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about

Jon Is Gone is the depraved hip-hop alter ego of Jon Callender (The Pattern Traced) and is debuted here across 13 tracks featuring heavy sampling/remixing of some of the artist's favorite indie/punk songs released in the last few years. Please don't sue his broke ass.

credits

released 15 February 2011
Lyrics, production by Jon Callender
Art/creative direction by Fuller Moehagen

tags

tags: hip-hop indie rap remix Orlando

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Track Name: Weak Days, Weak Ends
Tonight I'm gonna have to drink way more than normal
To keep a smile on my face and remain cordial
And not get slapped by the girl in the cute floral dress
When I say there's no time for sex but I'd take oral
Chain-smoking cheap cigarretes
This is just one of my many flaws
Wait 'till you see the rest
Can't wait to see your breasts
Here, just help me undress
Careful with my shirt
I just paid three bucks to have it pressed
Hips pressed into mine
Do a couple lines
How time flies when your high
We got a lot in common
Parts compatible with mine
My chest fits perfectly into the curve of your spine
From behind yeah that ass fantastic
Give you dick On Demand - Comcastic
Plus your lips so soft no chapstick
When you B.O.B. your head on me I feel the "Magic"

We can meet on the week ends if ya wanna
Spend some time, watch the nights turn into mornings
Wanna do all them things that'll getcha moaning

Wake up head spinning
Goddess in my bed guess that's gotta mean I'm winning
Love a chick with thickness
Bonus, she's a squirter
The dick gets political
Hope she's not a birther
Damn, I am so stupid
Fucking with these hos on OkCupid
Sending messages, 2 a.m. but it's useless
Nothing much to say
'Cept I like your taste in music
Same old song
Dead-end job getting dragged along
Government debt
Two diplomas on my wall
And I'm talking to this bottle
Like I have no one to call
So I drink till I sleep
I sleep around town
My week days are weak
I need to end them now
Stuck in a fucking maze
That I cant figure out
I've been searching for a way
But for now all I have found is ...

We can meet on the week ends if ya wanna
Spend some time, watch the nights turn into mornings
Wanna do all them things that'll getcha moaning

And if I was to die tonight
I guess that'd be alright with me

High anxiety
Low self-esteem
Self-medicate with weed
Call it Wal-Green
How'd you get this number?
And why are you crying?
Accidental booty call
Caught me butt dialing
Yeah, I got jokes
It's Lonely on this Island
Way too broke to buy a boat
Hope this body bag floats
Can't tie a noose
So I guess I'll have to cope
At least the drugs come free
Coke Zero
What I just wrote is not the whole truth
I tell Viagra lies to get a rise out of you
Bulge in my pants and I know you wanna look
So I'll let you have peek for a "Like" on Facebook
Shameless self-promoter
Weezy F. quoter
The beats be reheated but the flow is cooked to order
Filling fucking quotas, feeling like a no one
I need these weak days done

We can meet on the week ends if ya wanna
Spend some time, watch the nights turn into mornings
Wanna do all them things that'll getcha moaning

And if I was to die tonight
I guess that'd be alright with me
Track Name: With Me Now
Brought in through the back door
Taken to the back booth
Waitress look like Black Swan
She go get my Grey Goose
Molotov cocktail
Yeah I got a short fuse
No need to recycle
These empty bottles gettin' used
Bitch I'm not just in the house
I am the house - drinks on me
Girl you lookin' sweet enough to eat
Call ya Sara Lee
Let me lie you back-down on this couch
For some therapy
Why you think these married motherfuckers here so scared of me?
Knocking down shots like they free throws
Christmas every day
Play that Sleigh
Me and three hos
Everybody peeking at my hand
Got a stacked deck
Treat 'em like Aretha without encores - no R.E.S.P.E.C.T.
Never could beat box
But I got some punchlines
Step into the ring
Let me Kanye West your jawline
Maggie Grace your girl
You know that I'm "Taken" her
Metamucil mouth
It stays shitting on the regular

Where them hipster girls?
They're with me now
Where them indie girls?
They're with me now
Where them pin-up girls?
They're with me now

They're with me now
Got all three now
I'm in beast M-O-D-E now
I show these girls Kevin Love
Watch 'em rebound
I give 'em hardwood MVP style
I kill this beat
Write its will - no i.am
God, I be so sick
I should probably be on Zicam
Never play games
Set an Arcade Fire
Spitting flames at these lames
Watch the blaze grow higher
I do not get tired
Z's trying to catch me
Googled "Carter 4 Leak"
Cuz somebody said "Free Weezy"
Ahh, dude ...
Got no tattoos so why would I ink a deal?
Let a deal fall through
Hope these bands don't hear my tracks
I cannot afford a suit
511s everyday with them hi-top shoes
And I spit the whole truth like I'm laughing at you
With a mouth full of something
That I didn't have time to chew
All these girls are waiting on me
So I don't have time to lose
I am a winner
I get in her
And I beat it 'till it's bruised
Track Name: Go Do You
Go do you
I'mma do me
And probably Christina
And also Tiffany
She got expensive tastes
One of them spoiled girls
I gave her ass a necklace
The kind that look like pearls
I like my beats like my bitches
Four on the floor
I like them Britney Spears mommies
Cuz they gimme more
They line up at my door
I take 'em to my bed
I flip 'em over like a coin
That always comes up heads
When you spit like this you don't need luck, no
When you spit like this girls wanna fuck, so...
I do not stress a ho
Dress to impress a ho
I treat a bitch like I'm her pimp
Strictly profressional
And I go in, cuz these golddiggers got it out for me
Excel in the bed, you know
You know I spread sheets
Little cran with the vodka
Love Stolichnaya
Waitresses start to flirt
They service more than just my bottles
Look Ma, no hands
These hoes go Wacka Flacka
And I'm so far down their throats
That I'm inflaming all their tonsils
So say "ahh!"
She got
On her knees
But not to praise God
And I know that you like them baseball stars
So I figured that'd I give you A-Rod
Hey Ya!
Used to be an Outkast kid but now I've gone pop
All about the charts like vision tests
No rest, go non-stop
Cuz I can't stop, I can't lose
Outrun your ass in boat shoes
I am a tastemaker
Fuck your flavor, bitch you tofu
I don't know you
Who does?
No one
No Love
Gotta earn your stripes in the jungle
Motherfucker I'm a Zebra
So see bra?
I'll destroy your shit and not call FEMA
Then fly by in my private plane to give yo ass the finger

Go do you
And I'mma do me

Go do you
I'mma do it big
I'm bound to blow
Oil rig
Got that crude flow
Expletives
What does BP stand for anyway?
Bitch Please...
The game needs changing
Can somebody break a twenty
Spittin this on Jonsi's shit
Cuz it didn't cost any money
All the hip-hop heads are laughing
The hipster's looking funny
Not because of how they dress
But because secretly they love me
Butterfly effect
I'm so fly I cause it
If you think this track is gay
Get your ass out the closet
This rap shit is an art
I deserve my own Xzibit
Your swag, it kinda lags
Clear the way, let me pimp it
Dog, I heard you like guns
So I put some in your Civic
Now you just have to drive by
You can kill it like I kill it
Victoria's Secret's in them jeans
Wish she'd spill it
Loose lips sink ships
But I'm a good swimmer
And I - don't descriminate with women
Naw, we all get along
I bet 'em they can't cover spreads
They prove me wrong
I like them black girl's curves
Same goes for Hispanics
Take a trip down to Miami
Meet the whole family
Brazilian girls flock to Disney World year round
Their life's a beach
So we lay out
Arab girls got that oil money
That's nice
I'm on them Asian girls like white on rice
Track Name: Too Much
Wake in the morning feeling like P Diddy
Except I know not to act and I don't rap shitty
All my strings stayed attached so my past is iffy
I attract hollerbacks, hear they fuck for pitty
This is real shit, this ain't Maury Povich
I ain't spending dough, that's a no-no
And no bitch is dancing with this star
So put away the sequins
I'm a fucking genius, tune into my playlist
Cut up Sufjan and stitch incisions like surgey
You don't fuck with rap?
That's because you've never heard of me
Mad at the hatter
Tea Party wanna murder me
Knocked up Bristol Palin
And her mom still tried to flirt with me
Got a big dick
Call that shit Spencer
It's a gag gift
Tongue depresser
Pissy drunk off a fifth
I should know better
R. Kelly in this bitch
I make the bed wetter

Wake in the morning feeling like Don Draper
Except I drink way more and I don't chase paper
Blow a blunt for breakfast, serial hater
Bought a latex glove just to jack off safer
Man, I need to meet a secretary who is lonely
Life is a bitch, I pay her alimony
My problem with these women
Is these women try to own me
The flow so Genuwine, ride the beat like a pony
Liquor before beer you're in the clear
I guess that's why my piss is fucking clear all year
I'd rather sound insane than be inane and insincere
Rap like a white trash t-shirt - No Fear
Ohh...
Coacaine flow, let me get my lines straight
Bitch you better swallow, this is not a wine taste
Feed these hos a t-bone
Yeah I give 'em prime steak
Now they wanting diamonds
Tell their ass to ice skate
Track Name: Settle Down
I will not settle
No hair metal
No romance
No rose petals
Don't hold hands
Don't buy bezels
Smoke a lot pot
Black out
Call kettles
Yeah, real quick change of plans
I ain't even drunk yet
I ain't gonna dance
80s Night is tight but
I need a couple cans
Two-for-one PBR
So I'm filling both hands

I'm down, she's down
All good flings need a night on the town
Drinking with the King
Waitress bring the Royal Crown
Damn I feel good
Feeling real James Brown
Glued to my Droid
So I must look down
On these cut and paste crooks
That be copping my sound
Life is a bitch
Drop her off at the pound
Watch her circle me smiling
Merry-Go-Round

What's that on her face?
Milk mustache watch the dick lactate
She love to hear me speak, ask her how the dictate
And I don't come quick, no need to pro rate
Professor, confess a secret for this lecture
How do your thrive under so much pressure
Write tight lines I can only conjecture
Please drop a hint, even if just for a measure

I will not settle down
No chance
Me and Jack Daniels in a bromance
You ain't heard that new Jon Is Gone track?
God damn
Tonight I'm passing out downtown with no pants
Yeah, that's how I deal with all the stress
Think my attitude is foul?
Bitch you better call a ref
Yeah the flow is Hellen Keller
Watch me sign with So So Def
Eventhough the name Jermaine
Is not germane to relevance

Down, down, down, down, down, Derulo
Syrup in my Sprite but it ain't high fructose
Corny ass rappers get ate off the cob
And these triple six chicks wanna slob on my knob
I'm a young visionary
All up in your mouth like my dick's your dictionary
So get the word out, I will not get married
Experiment with girls cuz results may vary

Life's a gamble, break the dice out
Yeah, I'm drinkin' Natty so you know I'm fuckin' iced out
Hated me before I had this buzz, why you nice now?
Your bitch checkin' me like she testin' how the mic sound
1-2, nuts that I blew in the face of your finacee
Motherfuck the groom
Leave her lips frosted
Had my cake and ate it too
I ain't coming to the wedding
Cuz I can't afford a suit
Track Name: American Dream
Had an American dream
Life woke me up
Tried betting on myself
But I had no luck
This game is rigged
They said it wouldn't be fair
But I thought if I worked hard
I could maybe earn a share
So, I went to school
Graduated cum laude
Got an internship
In the field that I studied
I did all the right things
I shook all the right hands
Wore a suit every day
Plus a tie for the man
Put a smile on my face
Yeah, I showed up right on time
Stayed late Fridays
And I put in overtime
Yeah I got up on my grind
Checked the clock, it was my time
Almost had it in my sites
Then my industry declined
Staff cutbacks next
Would they let the blade sleigh me?
Gave 'em years of my life
Was that how they would repay me?
All my momentum gone
Long fall to the bottom
Watch the fruits of my labor
Left to perish 'til they rotten

The American Dream's a foreign thing to me

Had to ask my Mom for help
Of course she did, she's the best
But I'm 28 now
And this shit makes me depressed
Cuz I got my hand out
Like a glorified bum
All I wanted was a shot
But instead I got the gun
All the talent
Yeah, I have it
But see people half my age
Making noise on music blogs
While I make minimum wage
Yeah, it's hard not to hate
When your pride's so hurt
But you can't afford to wait
So you write more words
And you post 'em online
And you send 'em to your friends
Some of them think it's great
But most don't understand, man ...
Do you ever want something so bad
That you can't sleep at night
Stay up wishing that you had
Something more in your life
Something more than your past
Like that house you grew up in
Upper-middle class
It all it seems so far away
Much too far away to grasp
And the story used to read
You could prosper in this land

The American Dream's a foreign thing to me

Promise to make your proud Ma
Thank you for the support
Wouldn't be here without ya
Be in collections court
I know you worry bout me
I know you praying too
You know I think that's silly
I know it won't stop you
Sometimes I want to quit
And just work that 9-5
Pawn all my guitars
And relive that corporate life
But then I reliaze how miserable I'd be
Cuz when I'm working on these songs
I just feeling so fucking free
And this rapping shit's a hobby
I just do it for fun
But my other songs are poppy
I think I just sold one
Maybe that means I'm not crazy
I may just have a chance
Made this beat during March Madness
Might end up in the dance
Track Name: Gasoline
I spit that gasoline
That fucking acid stream
This is the passive me
Doubt it? Blasphemy
"Bout It" like Master P
No Limits placed on me
I am a heavyweight
You are lower class than me
They stunting for they cheese
Call 'em DangerMouse
I go fucking HAM
You little pig
This my slaughterhouse
Embalming fluid in my veins
I am fresh to death
I run this town now
You running out of breath
I stop the beat's heatbeat
Cardiac Arrest
Your shit is basic
I am higher than your Litmus Test
Yes...
Weed smoke in my chest
Whoever you leased your beats from
Should have them reposessed
I cannot afford a suit
Won't help you pick out a dress
With your pussy ass flow
Maxi Pad complex

I spit that gasoline
Raw dog, no vasoline
Simply, I can't be seen
No Beta-carotene
Asphyxiate the beat
David Carradine
I am eating well
You appatizing up at Applebees
Plays increase rapidly
Check the BandCamp
Make this shit look easy
Like every chick with a tramp stamp
I drink enough for two guys
Plus their girlfriends
On the top shelf
But that isn't where my book ends
Walk into the club
I got all these bitches lookin'
Hard to hate the game
When the player is a crook that
Be so high he's hypnotized
Smoke till I get Asian eyes
Jon Is Gone
I'm an imposter with a decent disguise
Kill this shit every night
Wake up and break the dawn
Clint Eastwood bitch
Get the fuck up off my lawn
Track Name: Going In (For The Kill)
I kill the beat
I beat its brains in
I watch it bleed
I wanna taste it
Victory's sweet
Defeat ain't gonna stop me
I will snap, I'll go insane
And I'll clown your whole posse
Got my mind on my money like I gave Franklin a transplant
Spitting hot shit over random indie dance bands
Girl you better make it clap, this might be your last chance
Ain't you seen my license plate, the one that just says "Ass Man?"
Damn ...
You're the bomb, so I go deep
What'd I fucking stutter?
Watch my throne this is the King's Speech
Julian Assange, don't get me pissed
Don't make me take leaks
Got that slick willy
Leave the pussy impeached

I'm going in, I'm going in
For the kill, for the thrill
I'm going in for the kill
I'm sipping blood in the club ice-chilled
I'm going in for the kill

I kill the beat
Watch it expire
Go in for weeks
Chilean miners
Music is me
Pass the mic and just press play
Bitch I am tracks
I should have my name on side a train
These Watergate women all up on my Dick Nixon
This story's got three acts but there's no time for intermissions
Yes, I make them hits man
Bitch you better "Ackrite"
These crackhead hos
Get their rocks off on my pipe
I am not a smoker, I just kush a lot
No need to step outside when it's time
Fuck a batter's box
Going, going, gone
Higher than that Creed song
Always got a pen in hand
I could write a fucking wrong
My dick does not fit in these tiny chicks
Because it be long
Isn't that ironic?
Like Alannis Morrisette's song?
Yes I am a monster
I'm a beast but not King Kong
Never a little a woman set me up to take that
long fall
Track Name: Arrow
I am a wordsmith
Adverbs, adjectives
Having adverse reactions
To the talentless
No weak shit
Diet high in fiber
After you take your girl out
She's taking me inside her
I'm am not the fucking best
Wait, I'm a fucking liar
Let her ride me like a streetcar
Call her ass Desire
I am always under covers
But never wear a wire
The flow is flammable
Tie my foes onto the pyre
This is primetime
God I be so live
You a re-run
This is my new season
Fans, I got legions
Beat the fucking beat
Gotta treat its ass for lesions
Give a chick Moby Dick
Bet she swallows up my seaman
Girl in every city
Tonight it's Brooklyn Decker
Call me Marion Jones
Bad track record
These hos are so scandalous
They let me hit it raw
They love to ride it backwards
I guess that means it's war

I take aim at the game
And I shoot it up
I never miss
More hits than the mafia
There ain't no stopping us
Every light is green
Do the math
Your shit is average
Do you know what I mean?
Outlast all these suckers
To the max, call me Tucker
Switching genres
Getting honored
Like Darrius Rucker
This my jam
Hold the Smuckers
I get love
I get smothered
Beauty is skin deep
And I am deep inside your mother
Jon is gone
Fuck your team
And fuck your fight song
My chick look like Rhianna
So I leave "All Of The Lights" on
The dick mean business
It should probably have a tie on
Stole that line from Weezy
Let a bygone be a bygone
Pick up where I left off
The flow is always right on
Yes I am the King
You are merely one of my pawns
Tired of that Dirty South sound
Making me yawn
I am taking over man
Your motherfucking lease gone

Got the game's number
White on black like a domino
Tried to shut me down
I'm still open like Guantanamo
Water board flow
Hating on me must be torture
Fucking up your fruity shit
Wildfire in an orchard
Piff got me in the zone
Like a Syracuse Orangemen
Smoke big weed
See the trees from the forest
Free Agent in this pimp game
Watch me make your girl swoon
This fall I'm gonna take my talents to her bedroom
Life in the fast lane
I speed, but never come soon
She love to give me road head
Need a car with head room
Shop for beats to eat
Like a hippy shops at Whole Foods
Fuck the Atkins Diet
I'll be making lots of bread soon
Track Name: So Furious
On my starving artisit shit
YouTube stars can eat a dick
Dirty mouth, clean it up
Get your ass a peppermint
Better yet Binaca
Also some binoculars
You can't see me neighborhood watcher
Double-fisting glasses like asses in German porn
Always save the best for last
Fuck a Peter, fuck a Bjorn
Never rapping for the masses
The masses I abhor
But my talent is so massive
It cannot be ignored
Yeah I flow so hard, I'm so Niagra
Dick so hard, no Viagra
Oh my Lord
I don't pray much
Cuz God don't say much
Yeah, I always got a gorgeous chick
Swag Masters
You should take a course in it
Bookworm nerd girls wanna swallow this
They give me head of the class, no scholarship

Hey, why so furious?
I don't mean to brag but the swag so serious
Never pay for bitches and they still bi-curious
Do I think I'm changing the game?
No, I'm sure of it

Labels in the studio
They beg me and they kneel
I throw 'em out like coupons
Not looking for a deal
I never fuck with suits
Because suits don't keep it real
I am their forbidden fruit
They know I got appeal
Skinny jeans, band T
Converse Hi Tops
Rocked them Weezer glasses
Before all the black kids copped 'em
Yes I'm setting trends
I am also setting bars
And if you are yet to notice
I'll make hits till you see stars
Cuz I am one, been one
My house, rev run
What, can't take the heat?
Better skate bitch, I Pac Sun
Dropping hot shit, fuck an oven mit
Worldwide like McDonald's everybody loving it
Need another stomach
Still hungry, can't get enough
Got that taxidermy dick
Kill the pussy, leave it stuffed
The competition's faking, they're following the Format
I'm just having Fun, period - new project
Track Name: Young Blood
Fuck a tiger, I got Young Blood
Under 21 blood, at the club drunk
Snuck in, one place now another
Unless you're from a magzine
Then I don't fuck with covers
But I do fuck with mothers
While we on the topic
Who look good for they age, Andy Milinokis
Got some cash stowed away
Divorced back in August
And now she wanna know what she missed by skipping college
Yeah, I know I rap real silly
Repeat myself, "A Milli, A Milli"
Make cheese, eat steak
Twistin' up a Philly
So I gotta be blunt
I just wanna fuck
Are you down or what?
Don't make you desperate
Plus, unlike your ex-husband
I keep it up
Yeah, I beat it up
That pussy heated up
Lick it 'fore I stick it
Yeah I eat it up
Uh, I'm addicted to these females
Pussy is life
The rest is just details
Live on a beach
Where women are live seashells
Get 'em while their young
Before they go for retail

One for the money
Two for the bitches
Three to get 'em naked
And four to take pictures
Five star hotel
Six-pack of Guinness
Seven minutes in and she begging me to finish
But, iMac all night
She gimme good head
Call it Face Time
We go together well
Corona with a lime
I do protest, picket on her panty line
Damn I be so high
We got crazy weed
Never run out
Never Ce-Lo Green
"Fuck You" to the haters
That try and cause a scene
Listen to my "The Voice"
But you can't see me
Cash Rules Everything Around Me
I make these MILFS cream
Like they cumming for a bounty
Belly Button swag
Get innie, then I'm outtie
They love them young bucks
And they wanna fucking mount me
Doubt me?
Naw, cuz I speak the truth
Post the dick on Twitter
Weiner proof
Tiger Woods on these hoes
Who lose clothes for loot
We can drive all night
Take the scenic route

No time to be subtle
You can wear that teddy
But I don't wanna cuddle
Keep the pussy shaved bare
Don't wanna see no stubble
These bitches wanna talk
The dick is a muzzle
I know, I flow misogynistic
Fuck until I cramp up
Massage the dick bitch
I know it feels hard
But it's real simplistic
Mami use that tongue well
So linguistic
Got me hooked on phonics
Ten years later
Still hooked on Chronic
Her pussy is the Bombay
Gin and Tonic
Reaching for a ring
You can call me Sonic
Jon is treating these hos like drive-thrus
Yeah, I'll take a three-way
You and You
And I'll like that whole order
With extra lube
Cuz tonight I'm doing things
I'm not suppose to do
Track Name: Burden
Jon Is Gone
Yeah, he's AWOL
These mother fucking drugs are talking to me
Magic 8 Ball
Instant replay
Always make the right call
Only started rapping to express how much I hate yall
Corny ass rappers, cheesy ass hooks
See you when I shit you out
Ain't a good look
"You're A Mirror I Cannot Avoid"
Reading Bad Books
Hear your flow, it's fucking gibberish
Babbling brooks
But you still keep talking
Find your own voice
Christopher Walken
Got all the ladies going Gaga
Hold 'em often
She let me poke her face
So I guess that means I'm all in
Fuck a street beat
Wake up and smell the Foldiers
Watch me ride this bassline
With Balance and Composure
Never Fall Out
Boy you ain't a soldier
She taking me with cream
See, "Coffee Is For Closers"

OK, OK, yeah he cool, right?
I'm fucking with his flow and his punchlines
He's a little bit weird though, maybe too white?
That's the burden that you carry being unsigned

The talent is apparent
Pregancy test
Condom? Didn't wear it
Blew it in her worm hole
Time disparate
Shooting Megauploads
So yeah I gotta share it
Uh, gross
Derrick Rose, the flow's untouchable
Black by association
Theo Huxtable
Love the way her nipples get hard
They so suckable
Can I store my meat in your box
Like a Lunchable?
Cuz you the whole package
And I can ship this dick overnight to your mattress
Film the whole thing
Girl, you such a good actress
Plus you verb my noun like a pro with those mad lips
Got me doing back flips
On some Jackie Chan shit
We can kick it anytime you want
Not an addict
She love to drive my stick
But the flow is automatic
I bogart that pussy
Once I hit I never pass it

OK, OK, yeah he cool, right?
I'm fucking with his flow and his punchlines
He's a little bit weird though, maybe too white?
That's the burden that you carry being unsigned

Do this shit for fun
It's fun cuz I'm good at it
I'm sorry if that sounds too egotistic
But the day that I lie on a track
Will be the day that train comes
And I lie on the track